Live and On a Secret Assignment In a Galaxy Far Far Away...
(cue the Wookies and Wake the Ewok Villagers)
"Tick tock goes the clock...time won't stand still. But we can...let's catch up. (my signature opening and very quotable opening line)
It's Yard Yeti Time!!
It's me, your favorite Yard Yeti, broadcasting from the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. Ha! Had you all fooled. Thought I was about to introduce Han Solo and Princess Leia...even Pepper, my pet parakeet and constant co-host, was fooled. He had on his Darth Vader mask and a long black robe. Uh-oh. He tried to make a leap into hyperspace and landed on his laser. What? What's that you said Pepper? I don't know the power of the dark side? Whose dark side? Ouch!
(Excuse me while I teach this little fellow a lesson in manners.)
Yes, Pepper, the force IS strong with this Yard Yeti,
and don't you forget it.
My apologies to all.
Today's Traffic Report.
All the lights are green and all indicators are set to GO for our walk down Memory Lane, just one block over from Main Street.
Today's Weather Report.
The sun is shining, the skies are clear, and all is right with the world.
Today's Hospital Report.
No bumps. No bruises.
The Historical Hospital Report.
...dated this month of August...
...Star Date...awhile back in Romulen Years...
The birthday of our guest...Vance Voltron...otherwise known as the Defender of the Universe.
Vance...any Defender of the Universe is always welcome in the Land of the Yard Yetis, the Defenders of the Garden.
In your honor Vance, on this your birthday, we have traveled far and wide to fill your visit with surprise and wonder. Therefore we are broadcasting from the bridge of the Starship Enterprise.
Captain Picard is here with a card from the Federation. Pepper, like the Captain, clad in his Star Trek uniform, is leaning down to speak into his communicator badge. Pepper, since when do you have Ears...Large Pointy Ears???
(BLEEP...TMI...oh...excuse me...you said Spock...Dr. Spock...I know him, I read all of his books years ago, when I was studying to be a Mom. I just don't recall him having such big ears, but he sure had an answer for just about anything. Sometimes I even thought he could read my mind...Maybe they were related.)
We have cake. We have candles. We have balloons.
We have the guest of honor.
We have gifts.
Lovingly carried up from the vault in the basement.
Mr. Happy Apple. Thundercats. Hot Wheels. Construx. Star Wars figures. The X-Wing Fighter. Nerf toys and soccer balls. Michael Jordan high tops. Football jerseys. Baseball trophies and Scout badges. Legos. Thousands and thousands of Legos, in a box, waiting for the master builder's return. Lovable huggable ol' Grover. The Star Ship Enterprise.
All gift wrapped and waiting right where you left them.
Back when you were just a kid.
Back when I was just a Mom.
Everything is always waiting for you, my son, on Memory Lane.
Where the sun is always shining,
and the song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" is playing.
As I sign off...leaning into the microphone...with just a hint of a tear in my eye...a smile in my heart...and Pepper sneaking into the teleporter with the Captain...remember...
"Your secrets are safe with me,
except for the ones I posted on the Internet!
You can find me on your dial at Station GVWM (Garden Variety Wisdom Media Inc.) with the yellow wellies logo and the Threepots on the Windowsill.
Or like the Captain...lean down and whisper into your communicator badge... Engage!!!
In the meantime, my gift to you...
The Day You Were Born
I smiled inside
And said to myself
This is the best moment of my life
The day you first said my name
I knew no sound
Would ever be so sweet
The day you went to school
I cried when I said I wouldn't
The day you backed down the driveway
I got my first taste of you leaving home
Now you have to bow your head
To kiss mine
And it is my turn to look up
To see you
And to think once more