Take your pick and take a seat. Welcome to the brave new world of competitive insulting. The modern era of impressionist artistry. Wild braying brushstrokes of commentary, unleashed, let loose, set free. Where complaining, cracking jokes, wishing others misfortune, and full body slam word witchery is en vogue.
Let me be perfectly clear.
I know this for a fact, because, if I use the word idiot, I am usually ALSO smacking myself in the forehead for making a dumb move. i.e. Turning left instead of right. Locking my keys in the car. Tripping over my own shoes, I left by the door so I would not track mud on the carpet and am instead dripping blood on the carpet as my nose is bleeding from where I hit the door frame after tripping over my own shoes.
I am, however, alone in my own space and there are no witnesses, no reporters, no cameras videotaping, no chance of a guest star appearance on You Tube. No paparazzi chasing me down the street to try and get a glimpse of me getting out of my car. At my age, that process is complicated by my trick knee and no respectable paparazzi has that kind of time nor interest in MY possible wardrobe malfunctions.
I had a hard time writing the intro to this blog,
as I hate the very words I wrote.
Idiot. Imbecile. Moron. Jerk.
Most especially, I despise the word stupid.
People are not stupid. They may act stupidly.
People are not morons. They may act like one.
People are not imbeciles. They may not know any better.
In the classroom, I told my students there was no such thing as a stupid question. If you don't know the answer, it is smarter to admit it, than to remain clueless.
My question, then, is why aren't there more people,
to be precise, adults, asking any?
Like...who let all the bullies have a Bully Pulpit?
I thought I heard a rumor that bullying is a very serious matter in our public schools. That children are suffering and we all need to work together to eradicate the meanness, the spite and the vitriol. I think I even heard something about Zero Tolerance. Zero as in NONE.
Who are the people leading this movement? The smart people in the room? The activists? The responsible caring adults in the schools, the community, the government, the media and in Hollywood?
The adults? The grown ups? The people who know better?
I am inclined, as I sit here in my elder state, to think that perhaps we have some snakes in the grass. And you all know how I feel about snakes. Where they belong. No?
Warning: Graphic Imagery Ahead
To all you snake lovers out there, it is time to avert your eyes, or consider a different blog page, as I am about to slam the myth that snakes make good pets. Owning a snake, petting a snake, taking a snake for a walk in the neighborhood, or sleeping with one at the foot of your bed is lunacy. Snakes belong in the wild. Wild, meaning outdoors, under rocks, in tall grass, wrapped around the uppermost branch of a tree, under the sodden cliffs of a lake, out of sight. My sight. Somewhere I don't have to see them or hear them. Hissing. Coiled at my ankles ready to strike.
Zoos are permissible caretakers if the cages are clearly marked.
The sign says Beware!
Anonymous avatar snakes.
A snake in a three piece suit is still a snake, just a snake in disguise.
No Snakes. Not On TV.
No Snakes. Not on the Nightly News.
No Snakes. Not In the Comment Section of the local paper.
No Snakes. Not on Twitter in a hissy fit of 140 characters or less.
No Snakes. Not On Facebook.
No Snakes. Not On the School Bus. Definitely Not.
Yes, snakes deserve their rung on the ecological ladder. But to reach their respective rungs they writhe and slither and coil. If they miss a step they hiss, bare their fangs and strike.
Let the snakes out of the cages!!!
Is setting the example for the kids on the school bus?
Where did all the grown up Zero Tolerance For Bullying Pest Control Supervisors go?
Where did all the "mean as a snake" code enforcers go to prove their point that bullying is bad?
Snakes On A Plane...scary movie.
Snakes On the Bus...Real Life.
I overheard a young mother tell her weeping toddler to...
"Use Your Words."
Then, a quiet voice of a small child stating the facts, " I have to pee."
You may laugh. You may scoff and tease.
But there is sheer and utter wisdom in that short succinct sentence.
I have a need. Please help me.
It is difficult to ask for help.
It can be embarrassing.
I need your help.
The question? Not stupid at all.
Can you help me please?
A bully, a snake, resorts to humiliation.
Humiliation is a mighty weapon.
Never ever use it.
I hope you grown ups out there are listening because I was a teacher once and I'm wearing my "Teacher Face" right now and you have just been assigned to "Bus Duty".
The Yard Yetis Gardeners Tale Continues: