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Wednesday, January 18, 2017

No More Splaining To Do

There is a line from the old sitcom I Love Lucy,
 that never fails to crack me up.

“Lucy”, an angry Ricky replies, 
“ You’ve got some splaining to do!”

Just try to talk yourself out of this one.

There should be an AA type group for explainers. A twelve step program to help people like me to stop stop stop stop stop stop explaining. All the time. Of course there is the tried and true Duct Tape remedy. When the urge to explain arises, simply tear off a piece of duct tape with your teeth and slap it over your mouth. The downside to this technique, is that like a band-aid or a wax strip, it hurts like heck when you rip it off.

Years ago, I read a remarkable book The Wise Heart, by Jack Kornfield. It is a study of the Buddhist approach to dealing with life experiences and challenges. I would love to tell you that I have discovered inner peace through meditation, but I struggle with impatience each and everyday. Practicing mindfulness requires relaxed breathing and the ability to sit still for long periods of time.

As in, like, more than five minutes.

That is how long I lasted. I could handle the deep breathing, and the quiet sitting, until I got an itch or noticed an odd spot on my leg, or felt the urge to, to umm, NOT SIT STILL. The urge was always VERY loud. Louder than the soft chanting on my iPod.


 Just as I did today, at the gym. Mindfully moving one step at a time around the track, into a slow yet steady mindlessness. Stepping out of my mind and my thoughts provides such sweet relief. I lose track of my surroundings and notice only my breathing. The same thing happens when I swim laps. 
Back and forth. Touch the wall. 
Back and forth. Turn and breathe.

An out of mind experience.

No NOT an out of my mind experience. Well, maybe, that is exactly what it is. Stepping outside thinking into just being.

Just being me.

With no need to explain to anyone anything. Anything at all.

Including myself. I am a self talker. And the conversation lately, stinks to high heaven. The drab and dreary soggy soaked sky may be a hint,
 that heaven has reached its limits with my malodorous musings as well.  
I have no desire to mess with the universe,
when I cannot even keep good company with myself.

I make mistakes. So does everyone else.
I see the world one way. You see it another way.
 No need to meditate, pontificate or extrapolate.

Here, then, are the steps I recommend, as a Personal Programmer for Over Explainers.

Step One: 
Be still. As in SHHHHHHH. Shush up. Zip It.

Step Two: 
Have an out of mind experience. Walk away.
Step Three: 
Read a good book. In bed. With Cheetos.

A good book like The Wise Heart
by the very wise Jack Kornfield.

I leave you with perhaps his best Zen philosophy for splainers.
“If someone calls you a dog, check your butt.
If you don’t see a tail there, that settles it. “


Nuff said. 

Two words too many.

One word.


New Year’s Resolution:

Explain Less.

Walk More.

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