Driving

Santa

Over

The

Cliff

Is

Just

Not

Nice...




There's been a lot of chatter around here lately about cliff diving.

Jumping into the abyss.

Leaping from the edge.

While up at the North Pole,

Santa is making a list and checking it twice.

Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.

Has his master GPS loaded up on the sleigh.

His reindeer can smell a Scrooge on approach.

So you'd better watch out and better not cry, 'cause I'm about to make my own list. And I'm checking it twice.

I've been over the hill and sliding down the other side so long, I've just about lost my footing.

Just about...

However, one of the best surprises of this sweet and simple life, is that sliding down the hill can be highly entertaining and vastly underrated.

It means I can say what I think, raise a stink and smile all at the same time...

So here goes...


The Twelve Myths of Christmas De-Mythified:

1. Looking at a Christmas tree will not cause you to go blind or turn you into a pillar of salt.

2. Putting up lights on the outside of your home may be dangerous to your health, but they sure brighten up the neighborhood.

3. Eating Christmas goodies may raise your cholesterol, but hey, what a great motivator for a moonlight walk through the snow.

4. Shopping for a present for a loved one in a crowded mall may create a level of temporary insanity, but imagining the look on their face when they open the package is priceless.

5. Sitting at a crowded holiday table with relatives who rub you the wrong way on the best of occasions, is so much better than being one of those single solitary souls who spend Christmas Eve alone or apart from family and friends.

6. Christmas music is an acceptable addiction. Just like chocolate and less fattening.

7. Cutting down a Christmas tree at a Christmas Tree Farm is not a punishable offense, it is good business. Buying a pre-cut tree does not make you a better person, as those trees fell in a forest somewhere even if you were not around to hear it fall.

8. Watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas" will not stunt your growth, but may make you itch to kick a football.  Watching "It's A Wonderful Life" will make you weep whether kid or grown up, and itch to ring a bell.

9. Christmas is not a chore. It's a choice.

10. The following are NOT dirty words...tinsel. holly, ornaments, elves, reindeer, merry, gingerbread, ho-ho-ho, candy cane, mistletoe, jingle bells, jolly, chimney, cranberry, decorations, eggnog, family, evergreens, garlands, joyful, icicles, laughter, love, light, mittens, noel, packages, presents, popcorn strings, pumpkin pie, ribbons, bows, stockings, sugar plums, surprise, teddy bears, good tidings, twinkling, wonder, wishes and wreaths....

Words to avoid..."Oh..A  new vacuum cleaner.

11. The following persons are not on a watch list...except for the "You'd better watch out" one.  St. Nick, Father Christmas, Santa Claus, Pere Noel, Babbo Natale, or St. Nicholas.

12. Dancer and Dasher and Prancer and Vixen, Donner and Cupid and Comet and Blitzen are not members of a cult led by a a guy named Rudolph. Nor are they an endangered species. At least not yet.